1. She’s a vegetarian, but I’m pretty sure she eats sausage. 2. No, I don’t 3. How about trouser snake? 2. NO!!! 1. She means blowjobs.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on June 15, 2010 by drunkphilosophy

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1. I need a description for my scrotum 2. How about malleable? 1. That refers to metals. 2. Yeah, but I have brass balls!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 9, 2010 by drunkphilosophy

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I am convinced that pastrami is better for me than Xanax.

Posted in Uncategorized on June 4, 2010 by drunkphilosophy

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I don’t think you can give my penis a sore throat

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 1, 2010 by drunkphilosophy

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“I’m texting. Get the fuck out of my face or I’ll make you.”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 3, 2010 by drunkphilosophy

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“I never, ever want an animal penis in me….like a gargoyle!”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 24, 2010 by drunkphilosophy

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“I don’t really see the glass as half full or half empty, there is always room for more vodka.”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 21, 2010 by drunkphilosophy

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“…and my head smelled like a vagina for a week…”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 7, 2010 by drunkphilosophy

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“I’m going to go pee and think about what I just did.”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 4, 2010 by drunkphilosophy

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“I can’t have another drink, my car will be towed. Wait! It’s Saturday, they don’t tow on Sunday!”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 1, 2010 by drunkphilosophy

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